Untitled

You're wondering if he's online so you decide to click on his conversation to see. You wait for the date to disappear and the "last seen" or "online" prompt to appear hoping it says "online." You see he's online and ask yourself "does he see I'm online?" You wait to see "his name is typing" but it never appears. Saying to yourself, "Why isn't he typing?" "I know we haven't talked in a month but why won't he send me a message?" "I miss him." 
What if he is on his phone while laying in his bed about to sleep when he asks "I wonder if she's online..." So he gets clicks on your conversation and sees you're online and says to himself "Why isn't she typing?" "I know we haven't talked in a month but why won't she send me a message?" "I miss her."
Why won't you just send him a message? 
Why won't he just send you a message? 
Maybe you should send a message and find out.

Heartbroken

It’s been a week and it still hurts just as bad as when you told me. Looking back at everything there were signs and I shouldn’t have been as stupid and naïve as I was. That being said I have some other things I need to express.
I loved you. Oh my gosh I loved you so much. I still do and I guess part of me always will. You were my first love, my first kiss, the first person I fully gave myself to. I’ll admit I like to look at our pictures together and even the silly ones you sent to me on snapchat. They still make me smile and every time I smile I think of another memory you and I shared. Every time I hear your name, even now, I smile. I know I shouldn’t but the amount of happiness you brought me will forever be present on my face when I hear the name of my first true love.
We told each other our hopes and dreams within the first few days of talking and the very last day we spent together you told me how to achieve one of my dreams. When you repeated exactly what I told you months earlier I couldn’t be happier knowing you remembered what I had said. You cared enough about me to remember what I wanted to do with my life and that meant everything to me. You meant everything to me. I can’t help but ask myself “where did I go wrong, how can I change this” yet the truth is it wasn’t me and there’s nothing I could have done to alter the events that unfolded. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue putting the blame on myself, however, I’m hoping it will help lessen the pain.
You left today to go back home which means instead of being ten miles away from one another we will soon be more than 7,000 miles apart. People keep telling me the distance will help me get over you but so far all it’s done is make me regret not spending as much time with you as I could. I know you hurt me and I should hate you for leaving me heartbroken but the truth is I can’t even get myself to be mad at you let alone hate you. I don’t think there’s anything you could do at this point that would make me actually loathe the thought of you.
If you would text me right now and ask for me to meet you at the train station and go back home with you, I would put on my shoes and drive to you. I want to be with you and it was pretty clear you don’t want to be with me but if you did, I’d be there. I don’t want to spend another second away from you. I believed you when you told me you loved me that first time on March 24^th and I believed it the last time you said it on April 8^th. You seemed so sincere when saying it I couldn’t help but physically feel the love that evidently wasn’t there. Could you have never loved me at all and just told me you did to see how I would react or did you mean those three little words that filled my heart with so much happiness?

My current first world problem

Traveling has always been something I wanted to do when I got older. I always told myself as soon as I graduated high school I would take a year off before going to college and just travel as much as I possibly could. Clearly, that wasn’t actually the case. Since I’ve graduated I have gone to Pittsburgh and that’s it. That’s the farthest I have gone. Pittsburgh. That’s not even two hours away from my house. I still dream of exploring the entire world but just recently I have added Greece as a dream destination. If my friends are reading this then they’re going to know exactly why I want to travel to Greece but if you’re not one of my friends and just some person who has stumbled upon this post then you’re obviously not going to know. Up until now I’ve had my mind set on the United Kingdom being my number one destination when traveling but now that’s changed. I want nothing more than to roam around the beautiful streets of Greece and just hope and pray I run into the one guy I’d spend the rest of my life with. I get that this is all just a fairytale and the probability of this happening is quite low but that doesn’t change the fact I’m dying for this dream of mine to come true. At this point in my life I want to find my soulmate and live happily ever after as cliché as that may sound but I’m losing hope. The guy I am so infatuated with barely even knows I exist and I have no reason to talk to him again. He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. He’s completely taken over my mind and my heart without saying a single word to me in person. The few messages we exchanged were more than enough for my heart to tell me to continue chasing after him. My only problem right now, how am I supposed to talk to a guy who hardly knows who I am?

Expressing myself

I love you. I love nearly everything about you. When looking at you, talking to you or thinking about you, it is a challenge for me to find things I dislike about you. Everything from your smile and your laugh to your Instagram posts and fashion sense I can't get enough. I don't want to say you are perfect because a perfect person doesn't exist but I will say you are perfect for me. There are a lot of features I would change about myself but you make me feel comfortable in my own body which is something no one has ever done before. I'm constantly told I will find someone who is my "soulmate" or someone who is the "love of my life" and I don't disagree... but I do believe I have already found that person. Romance and love aren't the same in reality as they are in movies which most people realize unless you are as naive as I used to be. Love isn't easy to find and romance isn't easy to keep alive once you've found love. I'm pretty decent at expressing my feelings to my friends when I'm lying to myself about the way I feel about a certain person although when it comes to the truth, it gets a bit more complicated. I have no issue with speaking my mind when I'm telling everything to a Word document or a piece of paper yet when it comes to explaining myself to the specific person... game over. None the less, I love you and although you probably won't read this I needed to say all I've said. I may be terribly wrong and you and I may not even be close to perfect for one another but as of now you're my happily ever after, you just don't know it. 

Appearance

Appearance if everything. The first thing people notice when they see you is how you look. They notice your height, weight, style, etc. Now I'm not saying everyone judges off appearance but when you first meet a new person you know nothing about them so you need to make an educated guess about them off their appearance. So many people in the world worry about what others say when there is actually no reason for it. You should be able to dress in whatever, style your hair however, paint your nails any color you'd like without having to worry about someone criticizing or making fun of you. You are you and there is no reason for someone to make you feel like you can't be yourself. 
You are you and you are fucking awesome.

Breakups

I constantly have you on my mind. Whether I just woke up, whether I'm cooking dinner or whether I'm showering after a long day, you are always on my mind. I find things in my daily life constantly relating to you and no matter what I do, I can't change that. I miss you... I do but my missing you is not a good enough reason for the two of us to get back together. I loved you, well at least I think I loved you. I never told you because you never told me. Letting my pride and cowardliness get in the way, I broke up with you due to a fear of getting too close to someone who may actually be good for me. You were never anything but a perfect gentleman towards me. I've been screwed over too many times in my past to realize when I have finally found a good, decent guy. You were, well are perfect... you have a bright future, you have a loving family, you have a huge, kind heart and hell you like me. I kept trying to convince myself you were the problem in our relationship when in reality it was me the entire time. I've come to realize I am a very difficult person to love. From my rollercoaster of emotions to my obsession with nearly everything, I can be a handful. You were willing to look past my flaws and straight into my heart. You wanted me the way I was without ever changing anything about myself. I didn't know this until you because every other guy I was even involved with was mainly due to their looks but you were my perfect guy. Not because you have great hair or beautiful eyes or a nice body but because your personality, sense of humor and constant love is like nothing I have ever found in another man. All I can ask for now is for us to find our way back to each other if that is what's meant to be.

Inspiration

Inspiration can be found in numerous different ways. People use inspiration as a way to create art and I am one of those people who use inspiration for writing. Finding inspiration is the tricky part of creating a work of art. I find most of my inspiration during the most random times of the day. I could be sitting in the living room of my house watching my nieces play with the newest toy they just got and instantly be inspired to write about how lucky I am to have such a loving and beautiful family. Or I'll be sitting in the passenger seat of my friend's car blasting music through the speakers while we're all singing at the top of our lungs and I'll quickly write a note in my phone about living in the moment and remembering moments like this won't last forever. Or I'll be sitting on the couch watching the newest horror movie on a Thursday night with my mom to my right and need to write about appreciating what I have and never letting it go. Inspiration is all around. It's just up to us to open our eyes and find it.

Soulmate

A soulmate is defined on Dictionary.com as "a person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond." A recent study shows many people don't actually end up with their soulmate. Most people believe a soulmate is "the love of their life" or the person they end up marrying. I, on the other hand, think that is wrong. I believe your soulmate can be anyone. A soulmate is someone who knows you. They know the smallest and most basic things about you but they also know the deep stuff you don't want anyone to know. They know what songs make you cry and what songs make you smile. They know how to piss you off but also how to make you feel better. They're there for you at 2:00 pm and 2:00 am. They share memories, good and bad, common interests and similar dreams. Having a soulmate is not always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship as well. Not everyone may find their soulmate, but I believe I found mine.